Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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