He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
