Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
