My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
