She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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