i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize