Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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