I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
