Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
