my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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