Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
