what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
