And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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