I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
