I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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