I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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