I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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