So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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