would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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