you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
