Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
honey bunches of taint.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
