Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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