everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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