Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
