You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
