His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
