Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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