I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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