at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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