He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
