But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
