ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
