Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
