3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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