Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
