I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
