I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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