I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
