How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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