He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
