i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
