This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
