The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
