I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
