I wish I only lived at night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
