Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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