i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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