His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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