wrigley field is MILF paradise
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Less talking, more tequila
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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