The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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