So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
