Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
