His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i think my mom watched the whole time
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
