Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Less talking, more tequila
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
