I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
