i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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