Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
