you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Help me help you realize you are a moron
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
