I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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