i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
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