how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
