you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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