He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Fuck appropriateness.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm always down for nudity.
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