He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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