I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
