My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
