I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
