I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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