cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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