he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
